i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
