Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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