using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
