I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the day after is always just damage control
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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