its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
