laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
