So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
