his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He has the fingertips of a God
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