Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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