Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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