I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
