Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
