i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
