He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
