dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just google imaged poop.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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