I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
