God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
