They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
