I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
