this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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