you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
