Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i out mim tonsoeep
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