I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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