we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
