yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
