went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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