It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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