i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
