We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
