listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
