omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
