my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
