Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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