I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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