I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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