I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
