we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
