you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
