we have pet lesbian snakes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
