I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
