I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
