Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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