he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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