she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
