can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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