bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
