# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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