i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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