Umm I'm too high to move.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Found the puke drawer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
