I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
