Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
