So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
