Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
