I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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