I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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