i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
